Hi, friends. Let me preface this post by saying it’s 10 PM on a weeknight and I’m in the mood to write so this might get a little rambly. Those of you who regularly read my posts (thank you so much by the way, there are a group of you that read all of my posts and I am always grateful for that) know that it’s fairly common of me to ramble. Sorry not sorry.
Anyway, I’m sitting here in bed in my (super not cute) pajamas, with both of my retainers in, wet hair in a messy pile on my head, and Mario Badescu drying cream on my breakouts. That’s just how I look on the outside – and to be frank it’s not cute but it’s real. I don’t look put together like I do in these photos all the time, in fact I don’t ever wear real pants at home. (Although hello wrinkles on my top! How’s that for being put together?) On the inside, I’m feeling pretty anxious and stressed. I’m doing better than I have been but there’s always a lingering feeling of anxiety.
When I have down time, I always feel like I need to be doing something productive. Don’t get me wrong, I watch Netflix and scroll through Instagram endlessly like the next person but the entire time I will stress myself out about this ever-growing list of stuff I need to get done. I overthink, I overanalyze, and I worry. What then happens is I run out of time in the day to get to what I wanted to do and thus a cycle of being “busy” perpetuates.
The issue is not being busy, it’s the mental aspect of accepting that I can’t do it all and I just need to make the most out of the hours I am given in a day. You know the saying “you have the same amount of hours in a day as Beyonce”? Well that’s silly, because you probably do not have the same amount of (free) hours in a day as her but I digress. Let’s just take this statement at face value. How do some people seem to do so much more with the same 24 hours? It’s all perception and mindset.
So here’s what I’m going to be working on when it comes to the anxiety I have about being “busy”.
Be kind to myself.
Self-acceptance is a huge focus in my life right now. The first step to really overcoming, or at least learning to healthily deal with my feelings of anxiety and stress, is to accept that this a habit of mine. BUT most importantly this habit is something I can and will be in control of. It’ll take time, but I’ll get there. It does not define me nor does it have to control me. Giving myself grace (ha…) and being patient with myself will make a big difference. I’ll be honest, I give up easily when it comes to things outside of school/work because no one else is keeping me accountable but myself. So by me writing this post to anyone on the Internet, I’m hoping at least some of you will be keeping me accountable.
Actually prioritize wellness.
I used to multitask relaxation time by planning out blog posts, editing photos, or just doubling up on screen time (i.e. scrolling through Instagram while watching TV which was considered my relaxing/wellness time). No more of this bullshit wellness time, I’m going to actually carve out time to do some sort of wellness activity that will leave me refreshed rather than burdened. Until I feel in control of the time I have in my life, I think I need to start off with shorter chunks of time. Just the nature of my way of thinking prevents me from truly turning off my brain and doing something like a 30 minute meditation session. I might start with 5 minutes. Whatever it is, I just know that I need to start off with something that I feel totally comfortable with.
Learn from others.
When I started my new job I said that I wanted to be a sponge and just soak up everything. In my everyday life I’d like to take the same approach. Everyone around me has so many different ways that they cope with these very common feelings. Everyone is busy so we all have ways that we cope. Just the other day I went to James Bay’s show (SO good by the way) and my friend Erica taught me more about yoga while we were waiting for the show to start. I’m going to look into some practices and see how it might help me wind down while being a form of exercise.
I am really humbled by the people around me and all the knowledge that each person holds. There are plenty of women I know from the blogging community alone that have conquered fears and challenges through lifestyle changes. Most often it’s exercise related. That’s definitely an area where I want to make improvements, but it’s hard. No one ever said it was easy but it seems so much easier when you just see peoples’ pretty Instagram photos, you know? Anyway,I’m really looking to my community for advice and encouragement. So that’s where you come into play.
If you have any tips or advice (about literally anything wellness related) please feel free to send it my way!
Thanks for reading this ramble! I’ll be back soon to share some more lightheartedness just to keep it balanced ;)